Wednesday, January 8, 2014

If You Really Must Know

It's been a week of some seriously bottomed out lows, interspersed with a few surprising highs, and it's only Wednesday. And I'm so sleep deprived that I started crying when I told my husband tonight that I will never again have the energy to clean up the den of filth that is the playroom.

He sent me to bed at 7:30 and cleaned up the playroom himself with "help" from the guys.

Here is what's happening, though I am loathe to address it:

Jack has been increasingly more aggressive. He has been randomly attacking his brothers, small children at church, and classmates at school. It's embarrassing to even write about this. I don't know why it makes me feel such shame, but it does.

We can't parent away the aggression and destruction from our intellectually disabled nine-year-old. It's a helpless and worrisome feeling. Who is he going to hurt next? How we will cope with such embarrassment and awkwardness? When is going to really hurt someone?

So I called the psychiatrist's office Monday hoping for an appointment within a few weeks time, knowing I couldn't hope for anything more. The heavens opened and the sun streamed through and the receptionist asked if I would like to come in the next morning. There'd been a cancellation.

So we went, Dutch and me, with Jack, to the psychiatrist who has always steered us on a logical, helpful course. We left with a plan, a new Rx, and renewed hope.


That the Code Browns will not stay.

That the destruction of our house and everything in it will cease.

That the biting and lunging, the smack-downs and assaults will be nothing but an uncomfortable memory.

That things will improve.


  1. My week has surprisingly been very similar. It's hard to admit to others how aggressive my daughter really is. I honestly fear for my babies life sometimes. No matter how calm or upset I get she could care less. I also feel shame and like a failure but mostly sad and scared about the future. Like you we also talked with the psychiatrist and hopefully can get it figured out. I'm so glad you were able to get into the dr. What a tender mercy! As much as I don't like that you are going through this, it's nice to know I'm not alone. Hang in there and get some sleep!

  2. Megan, I love you and your family.
    “Isn't it the moment of most profound doubt that gives birth to new certainties? Perhaps hopelessness is the very soil that nourishes human hope; perhaps one could never find sense in life without first experiencing its absurdity...” Vaclav Havel, Czech Playwright

    Hang in there! Miss you.

  3. Oh dear! Megan, I am sorry that life has been so...well...sucky lately. Is that even a word? Yes, yes, it is a word! Because I have been feeling sucky lately too! ;) I hope that you WERE able to go to bed at 7:30...that sounds amazing! Hang in there lady...and when you want to vent - - call me!